This is an abbreviated version of my mid-morning dream. I’m back at home and my sister Susan is there with her girlfriend (she’s now a lesbian… very cute and young, not the old conservative lady that she is in reality) and they’re on the couch having fun. I am obsessed with cleaning the house – it’s a total disaster .. so i go in and ask them to help.. just clean the “banquette”…. whatever…

In the room where they are my sister has a Tiffany lamp and the top part is really a little donkey and the little donkey can’t keep standing up, it’s little legs keep buckling under and i’m afraid they’re going to break right off… she tells me the donkey spent the entire summer on the farm leaning on the garden gate.. he’ll be okay…. I start to cry because he is so sweet and sad….

Earlier in the dream I was at the library trying to help an old lady check out and trying to log on to the computer without success ( a recurring theme) … I was bitching everybody out…. an old boyfriend from high school appeared… now working at the library .. Randy Hudson.. he looked just like he did in high school…. there was a big stage and we were playing guitar hero with a screen that was the size of a huge movie theater screen….   then there was an exercise class where everyone wore really funky clothes and I was sticking straight pins in elaborate patterned designs on my legs and feet. But the straight pins started to fall out so I had to take them all out. There was no pain until I had to take them out….  there were thousands of them….  i couldn’t contain them from spilling all over the carpet everywhere… i kept trying to pick them up ….  they looked really cool when they were in my legs and feet…. 

perhaps i’m onto something….. 

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The recurring High School Dream Resolved!

First the family part. Back home in SC for a visit. It went surprisingly well despite a few creepy things involving my dad, the rape of a black girl, etc. It went on an on… that was the nighttime part of the dream … but then i realized my dad was dead so ….. the morning part of the dream which resumed after a brief waking…..

At the end of my trip i was sitting around the table with my mom, sisters, and brother in law. It was time for me to leave and i started to cry … i apologized for the way i had acted in the past. “Jjust because you’re not west coast liberals doesn’t mean you’re not good people. I am not ashamed of you. I love you and i’m sorry. ” All was forgiven. But a football game was on so they all got up and left me at the table with my brother (not brother in law) who proceeded to torment me and i said “you… i will never want to talk to you, you will always be a pain in the ass to me and just leave me alone.”

On to school. I had to get to high school/college. My mom/sister/best friend was driving me cause i was going to be late. It was also goodbye to the family. Like the school was really back in Seattle or somewhere. Along the way we saw them taping a segment of American Idol but the competition was of some equestrians riding three horses around campus. Then some people with pets doing some choreographed ball chasing routine. But the pets (giant pets) were really just people dressed in dog and cat costumes and one was the Sandbag from Supersmash Brothers Brawl. I commented that it was really lame.

On to school. I get there and head to math. Then I realize it’s a new semester so I’m not in that class anymore. I go to the office and ask for my schedule. They give it to me and it’s all fluff courses like one titled “Cheesecake” which is a gym class for exercise directed at the thighs and buttocks. And a spiritual retreat. I’m like … there’s no math on here at all. All I needed was the math. I have a Master’s already. There’s this guy security guard type in the office and he takes me to where the grades from the last semester are posted. I am telling him why I’m even there.. just that one math credit. I have my Masters for christsakes….. He’s like “who told you you had to do this??” I couldn’t remember. I find the grade book and I am below the students with D’s, with no grade. I’m telling him I think I should just forget this . Who is ever going to know? I need to get on with my life. I need to quit hanging out with 15 year olds. I ask if he thinks I’m like that lady on Strangers With Candy. He agrees that it has all been a waste of time. Nobody is ever going to question if i passed high school math. I have my Master’s. (did I mention that???)

I wake up and realize I could not have received my diplomas from HS, Undergrad or Grad school if I didn’t have the passing grades and credits. This dream, ladies and gents, has finally been resolved!!!!!!! I hope.

UPDATE: duhhhhh… I just realized the “Cheesecake class and the Spiritual class were my subconscious telling me to do something about those two neglected areas of my life…….  that’s why you keep a dreamblog…..

I really don’t remember what I dreamt last night. I went to bed with a couple of glasses of wine in me, a heavy dose of cough syrup for this bloody cough that is killing me, and a valium. I had to sleep in the upright position so the lungs wouldn’t fill up with whatever it is they’re trying to purge during the night. Amazingly, I slept pretty well. And I woke up with a feeling of strange clarity about my situation. My situation is complicated on all levels but I think if I tackle one little chunk at a time I can figure it out. Sometimes being sick can be a gift. It can take you off the treadmill and plunk you down on the side of the circus road and force you to stop the madness. I’m not saying I’m mentally cured. Just saying I think I have a clue about what I need to do now.

T is sometimes my friend Tessa. T is other times my boy Toby. So you take it in context. When it’s girl shit, it’s Tessa… when it’s boy shit it’s Toby. But all names are to be protected here so all you’ll get is initials and this little hint about how to sort the T’s out.

I was in the classic library/law firm nightmarish combo job. First Susan Taylor Wall (the dragon lady atty. i worked with a lifetime ago) was working on some case about a disabled girl…. i kept getting lost in the office… i was frantically trying to catch up . The computers were all old non-gui… i was having trouble. I was thinking to myself about how i used to be so scared of her ( i was always scared of all the female attorneys) but now it was all just fine….. then I was at a conference of some type with a bunch of librarians/lawyers and we were in NYC and all the young hot lawyers were hitting on H and T (da girl) and other young cute librarians but I was with them so i figured i’d be in on the action too. We were on some kind of ferris wheel like thing and T says theres’ Danny… looking across the street and I’m like Danny? Danny who? I was looking for Danny O. but she says Danny K. And I’m like what??? How do you know Danny K? I fucked Danny K !!! And she and H are all like oh we met him in NYC…. we fucked him too. So I say we have to go over there (he was at a bus stop waiting for a bus) so we grabbed our little mini Oscars and ran over but he was already gone.

I kept trying to get details from T about how they knew him but she was strangely secretive about it. I said “we have to go put our little Oscars back” so we went back to the convention place and T went to lunch with someone else and I kept asking H about it and she got all huffy like “why would he even want to talk to you?”…. and i said i knew him back in SC when he was a professor before he got all famous… i’ve tried emailing his firm in NYC but he apparently is now working more full time on movie production so i haven’t’ been able to get in touch with him. She’s like why would he want to hear from you? I say I want to talk to him about a movie idea. She smirks and says “you are so into yourself. ” what? … “you just waited 15 minutes hanging out with me so you could grill me about Danny. ” I’m like oh right H it’s all about YOU…… all about YOU…… she runs off to catch a bus to have lunch with someone else.

I am alone in NYC. I get into what i think is a cab but then realize its’ just a station wagon with no driver. I’m in the back seat and mistakenly think there’s some kind of system where they have driverless taxis on a rail or something but then realize its just a car without a driver….. it finally crashes into some parked cars. I get out but no one realizes I was even in it. In fact, nobody seems particularly concerned about the crash. I start to ask someone to call the police but then decide just to walk away to avoid any unnecessary trouble. I am wearing a nice dress and coat but realize I’ve lost my purse somewhere along the way… probably left it at the convention center.

I find myself lost and random men walk by and grab my ass and i’m scared. It’s a really seedy part of town. I’m wearing heels…. it’s hard to navigate in this getup. There’s a dark very steep tiled alley but i see an escalator at the top of the alley so i try to get up there but it’s soo hard in the heels and this one guy like a meat packer or something says” hold up buddy” to his friend and just pushes me by my ass up to the escalator. Thanks!

I get on the escalator but get stuck at the end again…. damned heels. These guys in suits comment on why are you wearing those shoes walking around the city and i tell them i’m lost so they agree to put me in the right direction to the convention center or at least Times Square or somewhere i will recognize. We walk and walk …they are nice but at some point I fall behind because we stop at some kind of shop and the one guy is all of a sudden naked. He’s getting his suit cleaned so he’s just walking around naked. I’m cool with it. I take my dress off but now i’m wearing a shirt underneath so i’m not naked but then we leave and i can’t get the dress on that easily and by the time I get it on and I’m outside the door the men are gone. I’m lost again. Now i haven’t even got a coat. ….no purse. …no money. Strange men are lurking around again. There are no safe looking places to ask for help. I see some other guys who are strangely like the first guys , in suits and ask them to help me find Times Square. I explain my dilemma. They are super nice. One is Jim from the tv show The Office. ….he holds my hand. Turns out he is the same guy that had been naked while his suit was being cleaned but neither of us seems to remember that until we stop in at a yoga class for kids and H is there again saying how cool it is that he would exercise on his lunch break and I’m laughing like “exercise? he was getting his suit cleaned”… but then we are shushed by the yoga teacher and leave.

We finally come upon some other people and i’m lying in an open cart perhaps a horse drawn carriage with two girls, one i know (is it still H???) – the other is Hayden Panettiere and one of them says your dress is kinda revealing, low, you know…. and I’m like no it’s not and Hayden says “you just can’t pull it off.” …..and i’m like oh right miss Hayden Panettiere…. i’m pulling at her boobs…..Miss 17 year old probably still a virgin… laughing.. of course you’re not you’re dating that hot dude from Heroes and she says “yes i am still a virgin… it’s fun.” Then I look down and notice my shirt is messed up under my dress and you can see the unshaven armpits and i’m like oh…. now i get what you mean and she gives me a knowing nod.

Then i turn into Melanie Griffith and somehow i know where the nice guys live and apparently I am now living in their building in a really cool loft. There’s a sign on the door when everyone arrives at the guys’ building saying Welcome to the Mayor of NYCs new home… come in…..

The other girls in the group are like “great…she’s moved into your building” but I know it’s just a fresh start for me/Melanie and she/I won’t be glomming on to the guys… just friends…. just people to start her/me on our way….. but now i’m me looking at this happening and saying I bet she bought a lotto ticket…. and everyone’s walking around the loft admiring it and yep. I/Melanie bought a winning lotto ticket.

The phone rings and I/Melanie am looking for my cell but it’s my real life phone so I wake up strangely satisfied and happy.

I was watching T’s (da boy’s) retarded cousin, kind of a fat gross middle aged dude, and he peed on my floor and when i went to talk to him about it he had on these long underwear but he had a HUGE erection.. HUGE. His name was Max. I was on the phone with T while it was all happening and I was screaming “oh my god, oh my god” but we lost the connection

I had been calling him Carl by mistake so when I told T Carl peed on the floor he didn’t get who i was talking about at first. So I’m like “is his name Max? I’ve been calling him Carl”….. He was some relation to T, maybe not a cousin. I don’t know. And I was all like “I don’t know what it is about me that makes people keep doing this” because apparently in addition to my dachshund, others had been peeing all over my house.

Then I was on the street outside the house (which was my grandma’s house) and my mom was next to me on one of those reclining lawn chairs. She was drunk out of her mind. There were all these gangsters around on the street and in their trucks and they were having sex right out in the open. One of them was going to mess me up but then realized I wasn’t who she thought I was so she told me to go home. I went home and left my mother on the lawn chair. There was a strange old lady at the house who had been called in to look after my daughter. I had no idea who she was but she was at first a small little doll and then she morphed into a regular size person who I definitely did NOT like. She was scolding me for not walking my daughter to the bus stop in the mornings. She was apparently there at the behest of my mother who had disappeared by this point. I asked her if my mom was in rehab and she said no, she had to go see Victor. I was like “who the hell is Victor?” and the lady (now a nice black lady) said well I was with him for a while but your mom needed to be with him now. I don’t know who the hell Victor is.

mostly my dreams have not been that great lately because of my intense alcohol consumption

http://artghost.blogspot.com/ Liz Wong, illustrator


So cute. A mommy dog and her pup were in the hotel at the beach where I was staying. Or at least I thought I was staying there. I was looking for my friends but couldn’t find them. We were at the beach and my friend Beth’s sister Linda said just stay in my place (rather than the hotel we had checked into) so at Linda’s place there was everything you could want but in particular there was bourbon, valium (HUGE valium), and a giant drawer filled with nothing but Q-Tips. My boyfriend and his kids were there except instead of just his two daughters he had 6 sons as well and few extra daughters. Some I liked …. others just hated me. There was stress because of the kids so I just kept drinking the bourbon and taking the valium. I was saying to myself “it’s always been this way. I’m always the outsider that nobody likes. Everyone gets along but nobody likes me”. I lost track of my friends and went back to the original hotel where I thought we had checked in but couldn’t remember where it was or what room we were in but I went into this one hotel and there was the Great Dane with her pup in the hallway. She was a beautiful silky gray with neon pink spots. Incredible.

 

i get this one a lot. i’m at work in the library and i am trying answer a detailed question for a man who wants to know what to do when someone dies in North Dakota. I’m asking him do you mean emotionally or legally or funeral wise or what? He wants the probate kind of info. They are remodeling the library so everything’s all fucked up and the keyboard on my computer is missing about 2/3 of the keys so I am having a really hard time with this question. In the meantime, the staff is putting together a big lunch and they’re way too busy to notice my dilemma. I finally get all huffy with Guzman, the lead clerk, and he comes out to try and find me another keyboard.

The lunch is a huge spread of international type food and I really want some but I have some gum in my mouth. This is the recurring part of the dream. The gum is all stuck in my throat, in my teeth, I’m trying to pull it out but it just keeps coming. I cannot get it out and I’m choking on it. I go in the bathroom and I’m pulling it out of my mouth but its a continuous glob of gum. I never completely get it out. By the time I have most of it out the lunch is over and all the food is gone. Another librarian is warning me that my job is about to be put in to “non-guaranteed” status. To get back to the library from where the luncheon was being held I have to walk over scaffolding in the construction zone. I almost fall to my death but somehow make it over. Still I can’t find the library. That’s all I can remember.

The gum choking me is what I will refer to as Recurring Dream #1. Is it so obvious?

I didn’t dream last night. I was so high by the time I got there at 4 a.m. I had not one brain wave pulsing for the next 8 hours.  That’s all.

 

I’m driving on a superhighway bridge in a place I do not know. I’m with my mom and a friend in the small lightweight red truck that belongs to my ex-husband.  I cant control the truck – things keep going upside down –  i cant see the road-  i’m barely keeping it together. My mom makes a comment and i just flip the steering wheel and we go into a long slo mo crash. I wake up in the hospital bandaged injured, tubes down my throat…..don’t know how long i was out. Nobody died.

I go to Capitol Hill to a small bar/theather where Heather is doing some performance art pieces.  There are other performers too. Tessa and some others are there sitting at a table with me but they talk through Heather’s performance so tell them to shut up and they leave me bandaged and alone. Adrian Grenier (Vincent from Entourage) takes me in his arms and starts telling me about this mind control thing that goes on in the theater and also that we have been lovers.  Suposedly my memory was erased so i could be reprogrammed.  But i remember stuff just not the stuff about whats been happening to me in the clinic/theather.

Someone finds out that I still have memory.  They torture me with questions, make me watch a girl make a complex salad and i have to act out the scene like she’s my lover and she’s making me this special sald and i have to convince her how much i love the salad. I say “ooohhh those eggplants are really phallic”…. then the head doctor comes and grills me with questions to see how much i know. I can’t decide if I should act like I know the answers to the questions or not since I don’t know what i’m supposed to remember in my “new brain”….they are killing anyone who might have helped me remember. They kill them in bizarre ways like with white snakes that envelope them and absorb them.

They inject me with drugs that affect me like LSD. I’m tripping and I keep trying to run away. I am wearing Adrian’s clothes which confused me at first till he told me it was because we were lovers and he put them on me .

In an effort to further torture me, the head doctor sets off a bunch of white balloons and they are morphing and blobbing around and i see people and things inside them coming at me. One person inside i think is my dead dad but it turned out it wasn’t him anyway.  The doc asks me “what is “Harry’s Cat”?  I know it was a book/movie but i deny it then i say oh yeah a movie but i never saw it. He says “you’re lying because you have recently been shown it. ” As they’re restraining me grilling me with these questions I look down and notice there is a random guy under my garments having sex with me. I am like “who the hell is that?” But I am kind of enjoying it.

I keep trying to run away and find Adrian to warn him.  A co-worker Deb is in the kitchen complaining about some extra shelves in the fridge so i go in and tell her i know who did it and she just ignores me and walks out in disgust so i break into a broadway style song about “deb now you can tell me how you always hated me and i always hated you too…. deb you always thought i was a slut  – i always thought you were a poo…”  the audience loves it.  I’m still in bandages and hospital clothes or Adrian’s clothes and tripping my brains out. The crowd is applauding.

I wake up.